choose your vehicular poison

I am writing this post to speak out against the statement that driving while operating and talking on a non-hands-free cell phone is "just as unsafe" as driving while drunk. Due to undergraduate immaturity on the latter front and gadgetry immaturity on the former, I regret to admit that I have done both a few times in my life, although luckily to no ill end. My comparative assessment is that it is substantially more dangerous to drive while talking on a cell phone than driving while drunk. (Again, I don't condone either!) But if I had to drive an obstacle course either really drunk or while dialing and carrying on cell phone conversations, I'm very confident that I would perform much better drunk. Or at least at any point of intoxication up to me being able to find and start my car at all.

Bonus addendum: I know, I know, I'm supposed to be spelling it "cel phone." But, given that it is an abbreviation of "cellular" and in all kinds of other contexts where the word "cellular" is abbreviated it's abbreviated to "cell," I haven't been able to get into it.

Update: Readers have noted that (a) driving while drunk might also affect one's perceptions of one's abilities of driving while drunk and (b) that I have in fact created audio weblog posts while driving on my cel phone. To (a): Yes. To (b): the posts were actually recorded on a closed stunt course with a stunt double.