I am writing this weblog post live while talking to my friend ________. I write, first, because ________ has been pestering me to mention her birthday is coming up this weekend, although she does not want me to post what her actual age will be. "Not because I'm embarrassed, but because I like a little mystery in my life," she says, not apprehending that in order for this to be a little mystery in her own life, it would suggest that she herself does not know what her age is. (________ insists that I am yet again wildly misrepresenting her here.)
I write, second, because ________ has just (also, once again) dissed the weblog because of my earlier post about the Packers-Eagles game, which she found boring.
"Did you watch the Packers-Eagles game?"
"No, of course not."
"Did you notice the title of that post?"
"What more could I possibly do to suggest that the post is only potentially interesting to people who actually saw the Packers-Eagles game than to title the post 'Only Potentially Interesting If You Watched the Packers-Eagles Game.'"
"Are you typing this? Are you really going to post this on your weblog? I'm never going to talk to you again if you post this. Never. I mean it."
"Yes, I'm typing this. I just typed 'Are you typing this? Are you really going to post this on your weblog? I'm never going to talk to you again if you post this. Never. I mean it.' Do you feel like that's an accurate quote?"
"I'm not going to say anything. I can't say anything without you misrepresenting me on the blog. It's like I'm a celebrity and you're the National Enquirer. Not to mention that you are doing all this less than a week from my birthday. All I wanted was for you to wish me happy birthday on the blog."
"Okay, I'm typing 'Happy Birthday ________!' now. Do you want me to use ________ or a blank?"
"A blank. Have the blank be a prime number of spaces."
"Seven? Will seven spaces work? Or do you want something like a hundred and seventeen spaces?"
"Shut up. You know 117 isn't prime."