Tuesday, August 24, 2004

if you look closely at a daisy, you will notice that its petals spiral downward

Pluck 1: She loves you.

Pluck 2: She loves you not.

Pluck 3: She loved you.

Pluck 4: She loved you not, obviously. But, in your defense, you were never under any illusions about that.

Pluck 5: She at least liked you.

Pluck 6: Actually, it seems rather plausible that she liked you not.

Pluck 7: Not only did she not really like you, but the whole thing was that you were, as she put it, "safe" because she knew she wasn't at risk of ever feeling that much into you. In other words, you were making a fool out of yourself the entire time! Yes, you are that much of an idiot! And a loser! A loser cookie with a creamy idiot filling! A scoop of idiot sorbet with little loser sprinkles on top! A soggy loser-butter and idiot-jelly sandwich that sits uneaten in some girl's lunchbox because she decided she would rather just go hungry instead!

Pluck 8: Stop! This kind of ruminating never gets you anywhere!

Pluck 9: Especially since--who knows what she was thinking? Plus, what does it matter? Why would you feel the need to pick out one thing that she said and elaborate it into some unified field theory of self-denigration?

Pluck 10: But even worse, why do feel like you need to project your own theories onto a freaking daisy on your blog, of all things? What earthly purpose could that possibly serve?

Pluck 11: Seriously, do you really think that you can pretend that you aren't engaging in some kind of weird and creepy public soul-letting by phrasing everything in an oddly removed tone and then drawing on as lame a conceit as plucking petals off a daisy?

Pluck 12: Come on, your blog is available for reading by anyone, anywhere. Stop thinking that you can make oblique references in not-as-clever-as-you-think packaging and delude yourself into the idea that you are doing something more dignified than some fourteen-year-old kid pouring desperate paragraphs of mostly plagiarized emotion onto their dismally-formatted little Xanga blog. And don't even think for a moment that it makes it okay if you are at least all self-awarely-self-referential about it.

Pluck 13: You are better than this. You have all kinds of things in your life right now that are, from top to bottom, fabulous. And, face it, you really aren't even especially sad about what happened, you just love anything that offers up a stage for your Inner Drama Queen. And you know better than to be using your blog for this. What you need to do is take some virtual salt and plow it into the soil of your blog template so that ill-advised-little-daisy-post ideas like this one do not grow again. Go back to your blogging strengths: bacon photos and conversations about raw butter.

There, all done. I'm glad that's over with. This JFW aberration will not be repeated.

10 comments:

A+ said...

That's just about the most hilarious thing ever. Not taking oneself seriously is seriously attractive, you know.

Anonymous said...

More!

Anonymous said...

More!

Anonymous said...

there are a lot of fish in the sea. and cambridge is VERY close to the sea.

Anonymous said...

I figured one of the three priorities was to come back to claim your one true love.

She was the wrong one.

But the right one is out there!
~~Paulette

dorotha said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Absolut said...

Well, if your usual style is so nicely intact then I suspect you're doing pretty okay. And hey, you have tenure. (Just kidding, I realize that's not going to be a viable bandaid for _everything_ that happens to you from now on, but maybe for a few months?:)

So where does one find such neat daisies?

Anonymous said...

Oh, Jeremy, I'm so sorry to read this (though I'm really glad that you were able to open up about it on the blog). Heartbreak sucks. But the good news is that now you'll be able to freely explore all that Cambridge has to offer, people and otherwise. I've no doubt that lots of fun (and romantic) adventures await.
~Karen A.

jnsys said...

I'm sorry that things didn't work out.... How could she NOT be into you? There's no hope for any of us now!!! Argh? I'm gonna go eat some chocolate...

Anonymous said...

Oh for heaven's sake, she just heard that you got married recently ... what's a girl to do?