i've decided that i have no career path, which stems from two things: (1) i don't want to have a career path because i'm lazy and i don't want to do anything with my life except goof off, and (2) i'm not talented enough to have a career path. (it's possible that 1 and 2 could be related, such that i don't want to do anything because i'm not good at anything). so what i'm left with is to become a professional gambler, whereby i would rely on [employed significant other] to give me money to take the colts +3 every week. and while this would be perfectly fine for me, i know she would use her 2/3 veto power on this proposal. so what i'm left with is this: a show inspired by the comedy channel's "i'm with busey," where some shmoe follows gary busey around. my show would be "i'm with freese," where i follow you around and interview you.
This would be the most stultifying and least telegenic half-hour in the history of television. America sits riveted to its chairs while I (a) play Scrabble, (b) spend hours on end doing e-mail and Stata analyses, and (c) attend meetings for the WLS. The chief suspense, I imagine, would be people wondering if (a) my recent precipitous weight gain will continue over the course of the show, (b) exactly how much weight I will put on, and (c) whether, as a result, I will eventually come crashing through my office floor and crush the woman in the office below me.