Friday, February 25, 2005

why did the chicken cross the road? to buy some smokes. too bad he didn't make it.

"TRENTON, New Jersey (AP) -- Animal rights activists are disgusted by a new candy from Kraft Foods Inc. that's shaped like critters run over by cars -- complete with tire treads.

The fruity-flavored Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy -- in shapes of partly flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels -- fosters cruelty toward animals, according to the New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

'It sends the wrong message to children, that it's OK to harm animals. And that's the wrong message, especially from a so-called wholesome corporation like Kraft,' said society spokesman Matthew Stanton."
Wholesome? Isn't Kraft owned by what used to be Philip Morris? This is a company that has made zillions off of addicting humans to a substantially life-shortening product, and we are supposed to be surprised, saddened, and shocked* that they are selling candy that looks like a run-over chicken.

* Yes, I know it is so unhip to write about being "shocked" by anything these days. I know you are supposed to write "shocked, shocked", as in paragraph 4 here.


Anonymous said...

Angst! Jury duty ha'th befallen me
verily to serve in the month numbered three
Pox! to be cloistered like a Nun, n'er to flee
it's how the wretched Feds want it to be
my identity now not to be revealed to thee
Alas! t'is not my fault, can'st ye see?
Yea! though the Ides of Revelation I must now abort
bear'th unto me no Tort
thou may still have'th thy sport
disdaining me, ever to snicker n' snort
saying in Love he do'th always come up short
duty bound I proceed'th to court

Anonymous said...

So I finished reading this post, and saw that 1 comment had been left. I enjoy reading comments. Some are thoughtful, some are funny.

I am unable to express how disappointed I was to see that the comment had been left by the f-ing LDM.

Seriously dude, you suck. Please go away.

Anonymous said...

Woe! are mandated diets upon us soon to dawn?
what shame in being a sugar pawn?
weep'th not for arteries gone
broccoli boring, it make'th ye yawn
better to eat grass from thy lawn
donuts I gorge, their grease I fawn

Anonymous said...

Civil obligation hath made its call
summoned to serve in the Justice Hall
there knaves to tether with chain and ball
t'is noble duty, nothing small
righteousness n'er to fail, falter or fall
would'st this thee apall?
Alas! I am nothing after all
just another lonely brick in the wall
this is totally real, y'all

Tom Bozzo said...

In partial defense of the Times, its use of "shocked, shocked" was in regard to a French government official's denial of impropriety, which is about as appropriate as anything for which the allusion might be deployed.

I tend to view that which gives the world Road Kill Gummis as a generic corporate greed thing, rather than something unique to the more evil corporate parents. Mainstream retailers (not necessarily innocent, of course) would be responsible for some of the things -- e.g., sexualized clothes for children -- that have gotten most obviously worse.

Goesh said...

Only in a society whose pets have a higher protein diet than most of the 3rd world do we have the luxary for such bulls**t as this, tongue-clucking over candy that looks like roadkill. Gimme' a damn break! Esther

Anonymous said...

This just in, folks, and I have to say holy buffalo poop! Wade 'Many Tribes' Churchill is under attack again by yet another Native American. This time, Patti Jo King, Historian, is taking issue with him. See Indian Country Today on the net, folks, and circle the wagons, Wade! Once you get to Wisconsin to lecture on freedom of speech you will be quite safe I'm sure.

It seems Patti Jo is questioning the scholarship of 'Many Tribes', and she uses some pretty rough words if you ask me: "academic fraud is more than simple error. It ecompasses false attribution and fabrication of facts". (ouch) Do Historians really use words like that? Anyway, King rambles on about how Churchill co-authored an article entitled "Federal Indian Identification Policy" and how he makes reference to the Dawes Act of 1887 and how it used blood quantum as a means of alloting land. King then informs the reader, and I think a bit too assertively, that nowhere in the Dawes Act is blood quantum mentioned. She even gets huffy when she mentions that Indian legal scholars have a serious problem with this. I'm not about to digress and blather on about how two Law Professors from two different schools have a problem with Wade Churchill. Who needs rambling on such a fine day?

I for one, however, question the legitimacy of Patti King, since she is not able to identify the Tribe to which Chruchill claims the most affiliation. Well, Patti, which is it? Metis? Cherokee? Creek? Choctaw? Any Historian worth her salt ought to be able to pin this down and put things in a better perspective. Let's keep in mind that Ms. King only has an M.A. which of course 'Many Tribes' has, BUT, Wade is tenured and she is not. Such things do matter in some circles when it comes to credibility I will remind you.

Anyway, be sure you all turn out when Wade Comes to Wisconsin. He is on record for opposing the 1990 Indian Arts and Crafts Act. It was just another expression of free speech on his part. After all, anyone should be able to make a painting or some crafts and market them as authentic Native American, right? You betcha'! And I know Wisconsin Academics will have the decency not to infringe on his freedom of speech by asking about this. You heard it second here at JFW, folks.
The Massabi Ranger

Anonymous said...

Esther you give me a damn break!

Perhaps you really meant: Only in a society where people have the money to waste on roadkill shaped candy...

I like pets, ergo, let the 3rd world poor starve. Never before has my worldview been so trenchantly dissected. My folly! Twas there before me all along!

Perhaps you should spend more time in the American hinterland. Soon after my former state of residence proposed to make a particular toad the "state amphibian" running these toads down with pickups become a local sport. Why is criticizing an unnecessary product that condones such a waste again?

jeremy said...

Tom: As it happens, the chicken was French, and, after death, it was used for broth in a vichyssoise recipe. Which makes the "shocking, shocking" allusion all the more a missed opportunity.

Goesh said...

As if parents who let their kids, many of whom are growing obese, stuff their faces with processed sugar would even give a toad's butt about whether the candy looks like a chicken hit by a car or not. Kraft will pull the Ad if those kids don't eat the product, plain and simple, and irregardless of what some animal rights people think and say about it. That is the end product of a society whose pets have more protein than most human beings in the 3rd world, and what luxary and arrogance for us to be able to quibble about it. Excuse me while I go eat some McDonald's cow that stood for a day in a crowded pen without much water waiting for a stun gun that might not make a clean kill prior to being gutted.

Goesh said...

P.S. I forgot to sign my last post with Esther, having taken a woman's first name in atonement for assuming my wife would without question or objection take my last name when we married. It was the only atonement I could make at the time I acknowledged I was a troll here for doing such a thing to my wife in the first place. Esther

And if I came across as gruff in my last posts, which is how I presume real trolls act, it is because I have seen seriously malnourished children in 3 different 3rd world countries and everytime I see some fat dog snarfing down a kilo of Alpo it pisses me off - excuse the language if you will Jeremy. Esther again

Anonymous said...

LDM is probably going to court all right, charged with vagrancy, lewd conduct, public intoxication and being a persistent troll.

Anonymous said...

Two possibilities here:

1) LDM is on the Michael Jackson jury and is going to be sequestered.

2) LDM is too chicken to reveal his identity, and so is backing off of his promise.

You suck, LDM!

PJK said...

"Wade" as you call him, (Ward Churchill) claims to be Cherokee and Creek. Sometimes he claims to be 1/16's, sometimes 3/16's. As I stated, the Cherokee and Creek Nations both confirm he is not a member. WC uses the term "Metis" to claim that he is part Indian, part caucasion, however the word 'Metis' is properly used in reference to Canadians of French and Indian ancestory. I am an enrolled member of the Cherokee Nation, a journalist for over 30 years, and a historian. Churchill only has a Master's degree....he is not a PH.D.
I suggest you conduct a little research before you make ridiculous and untrue claims in writing for all to see. In this case, all you have to do is log on to the KHOW Denver Talk Radio Station at:
All the information you need to come to an understanding of this complicated case is there for you, including dozens of documents on WC's identity theft and academic fraud.
The question in this case is not about academic freedom. It's about academic fraud...and the Indian community has been complaining to CU about this for over ten years before WC made his World Trade Center comments. Anyone who does not take the time to examine the facts is playing right into his manipulative little hand.
I have no problem with discussing this issue with reasonable people who are serious about exploring the issue.

Patti Jo King