Friday, February 11, 2005

just what i needed. a stalker.



The other day, when I opened my office mailbox, there was sitting just this magnet, from some refrigerator poetry set. I have no idea who put it there, or why.

(It is true, as visitors to my office know, that I have one four-drawer file cabinet whose front is completely covered with several sets of magnetic poetry -- with all the prepositions and closed-case words taken out, so people can't actually make sentences or pseudopoetry out of them. It could be that somebody had a stray magnet poetry piece and I seemed like the logical person to give it to. Alternatively, it could be that the "nude" magnet was originally from one of the sets on my file cabinet. Perhaps some student stole it from me--again, for who-knows-what reason--and then in a fit of conscience returned it. My other four-drawer cabinet is filled with my collection of marble magnets, which cost me about a dollar a pop, and I know that I've had several of them stolen by larcenous-miscreant-office-visitors.)

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

There once was a donut poet,
Who had no talent but didn't know it,
His verses did suck,
But we're shit out of luck,
'Cause you know he'll keep trying to flow it.

-- Nude Dude (aka, LDM)

jeremy said...

Isn't this like the third time you've left this poem? Maybe you should change your acronym to LSPDM for Lonely Self-Plagiarizing Donut Man.

Anonymous said...

Soy un pedidor.
I'm a loser, baby,
So why don't you kill me?

-- Nude Dude (aka LDM)

Anonymous said...

This just in, folks, and I have to say holy cow! Or should it be holy buffalo! After all, the man of many tribes, Ward Churchill, is coming to Whitewater on 3/15 to do some stumping. This investigator has not yet been able to learn which tribe Ward, aka 5 coats, will be representing. The fashion people are all in a tizzy over his coming appearance.Can we expect a conservative 3 piece suit to cover a bold talking Cherokee, despite his name not appearing on any Cherokee tribal rolls? Will he wear traditional Muskogee moccasins with blazer and slacks? After all , he is just one of the good old Muskogee boys who made it big in the academic world. Most in the know seriously doubt Wade will wear full traditional Creek regalia when he gives a pep talk on freedom of speech and the right to rip-off Native American culture.

It's a darn good thing Native Americans have no political or economic clout. One UW professor summed it up best when he quipped, " Indians are so insignificant that we (academics) don't have to address cultural plaigarism". It seems the newspaper Indian Country Today (on-line) and the Grand Governing Council of The American Indian Movement are vehemently asserting Chuchill is not an Indian, despite '5 coat's' many public statements that he is a member of a number of tribes. But, what the hell do they know anyway? AIM should express their concerns to the catering service whose cooks are in an uproar over which traditional food from which tribe they are going to serve up at his reception. You heard it second here at JFW, folks! The Massabi Ranger

Anonymous said...

Someone once "borrowed" my sissors without asking. A year later, someone returned them. I know they were mine, because I wrote my name on the blades in permanent marker, thinking that if anyone DID take them, the shame of using a pair of sissors with someone else's name on them would be enough to prompt a return. It did, just a year late.
-jnsys

Anonymous said...

REVELATION DAY COME'TH !!

Behold'th! my true identity no longer to conceal
soon shall thee witness the real deal
I came'th here with donuts to appeal
lonely hearts I would'st steal
Woe! that some think'th me a lowly heel
upon the Ides of March verily shall I reveal
T'will be 3/15 of the Julian year
bend'th thee that day thine ear
and harbor'th ye no fear
for to my word I hold'th dear
verily LDM's real name shal't thou hear -
LDM

jeremy said...

March 15th is my birthday. Coincidence?

Anonymous said...

Could'st it truly be?
verily we shall see
in the hours so wee
shall I post before I pee
words that could'st reveal a She
and set'th readers free
some perhaps to dance with glee
when revealed thou ar't really me -
LDM

Anonymous said...

I am confused by LDM's riddles. Didn't a soothsayer say to a certain EX-ruler that the Ides of March were no good? I personally am scared. I'm not leaving my house until at least March 30th.

Anonymous said...

Seen (scene) in a movie projected in a store window display: Dahlia was eating a donut dotted with chocolate sprinkles, bought from a supermarket trolley, pushed by Dali.

Anonymous said...

Ecce! Exegi monumentum aere perennius! -
LDM

Ellis Lembke said...

Interested. Keep Blogging!