Tuesday, June 01, 2004


While each of the three divas of UW Law School blogging has their own distinct and melodious virtual voice, they spoke as one yesterday in averring that my real head is less round and more oval than the drawing of me on the webpage might suggest (see concurring opinions A, B, and C). This is especially fortunate as it is well-known that round-headed people often have great difficulty finding effective legal counsel willing to represent them, because of biases against the spherically skulled, and as a result they are often subject to endlessly cruel exploitation on the flimsiest legal grounds:

It is especially fortunate that I do not have to worry about being lawyerly shunned because of my head shape as I am currently considering suing Michael's Frozen Custard. No, this will not be one of those class action obesity suits, although that day may come eventually, and especially if I continue to be so intermittent in my resolve. But, anyway, when I do break down and go to Michael's, like I did tonight after my PowerWalk, I order a regular-sized chocolate malt with extra, extra malt. Three times now, the person at the counter has repeated back to me "extra, extra malt," but then, when they turn to repeat the order to the employee whose job it is to make the malt, they've just said "chocolate malt with extra malt." Like I don't mean business when the second "extra". Granted, they appear not to have an extra, extra malt button on their cash register and so I'm technically not paying extra for something I'm not getting, but still I feel like I should somehow be able to bring the entire MF Custard Empire legally to its knees for its continued acceptance but ultimate non-fulfillment of my order.

Alternatively, I'm thinking that next time I order I'm just going to explain to the person behind the counter that I want extra-extra-EXTRA malt and that I'm willing to pay through the nose in order to get it, and will make the payment directly to their tip jar if that's what it takes in order to get my malt wishes taken seriously. I should try that while surreptitiously having my cel phone on and AudioBlogging the exchange...

Update, 10:45am: A reader from Hoopface, TX e-mails:
"what is with the anti-round-head [expletive deleted]? i love round heads! seriously. i have often remarked in the past that i am biased against people with narrow heads! you can ask [name of former significant other]. he teases me about it. and when i see a baby, the first thing i say, if it is true, is "what a cute, round-headed baby!" in fact, maybe it is because i come from a long line of people with roundy-roundy faces, but i think round heads are much, much cuter than narrower varieties. and it isn't just a preference for chubby people, which i also have because they are more pleasant to hug, but a serious problem that i have with skinny heads! when i see someone with a narrow head, i begin to imagine his or her skull straight away! a little padding allows me to see them as human and not just a sum of their parts. so, [expletive deleted] the anti-round head bias. i love the round head!"

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