Monday, November 15, 2004

opportunity knocks!

A few months ago, I responded to an ad promising me all kinds of success in the lottery if I would participate in a national parapsychology study. The result of this inquiry was not millions of dollars, alas, but instead into a series of personalized solicitations from a psychic named Maria Duval. Apparently, Maria has given up on me, because she has apparently now sold my name to others who are trying to sell me their own services. Most of these solicitations, as you might expect, are obvious frauds. However, I did get an advertisement offering to let me in on "Novus Tek" (nee "Neocheating"), a set of secrets of interpersonal mental manipulation discovered first 2300 years ago and then refined by three DuPont scientists working in their spare time. I was skeptical of this at first, but then the materials explained how it was all based on science and, more important, how my purchase was totally guaranteed:



All this for only $135. I would pay that much just for Guarantee #5. I'm a little unclear about Guarantee #8, though: If beautiful/powerful people actually do beg to be my friend, rather than just almost beg to do so, does that violate the guarantee?

Update: STOP E-MAILING ME. I'm not going to share the address for Novus Tek with you. Mine, all mine.

10 comments:

dorotha said...

i want #3, but only if it specifically relates to #1 & #2.

Anonymous said...

Has N. left yet?? LDM

Anonymous said...

Ya' gonna' rumble, baby? A Sociologist, "Mathieu Deflem's Sociology Blog", from the U. of S. Carolina is laying some wood to the ASA - I wonder if the Freese gang is going to close ranks, don their colors and dig out the ol' brass knuckles and jump into the fracas. Deflew is blasting them for censoring him - he's been ragging them about the commercialization of Socilogy too. Maybe the Freese gang is going to turn a few bucks themselves with some clever marketing.

Anonymous said...

I don't think Jeremy and his 'gang' have any colors as of yet, nor an official motto. Some of the biker gangs have a motto, "Born To Ride" , "Blood and Honor" etc.
I would suspect that before our esteemed leader rumbles with anyone, colors and a motto would be needed. I would suggest a black leather jacket with a splash of UW colors across the front, a black bandanna wrapped tighly around the head, chrome sunglasses and a black leather glove on the left hand. Ohhhh! talk about walking on the edge with a message!

Anonymous said...

It appears I have some competition. Hardees is rolling out a 1420 calorie burger - 2 slabs of angus beef, 1/3rd pound x2 with mucho bacon and cheese = 107 grams of fat. LDM

Anonymous said...

Well, it's a sad day that some punk Marxists have taken over the ASA, that's for sure - all this political posturing and blathering only further drives Sociologists deeper into musty basement rooms and lowers budgetary allocation. It's high time Burawoy gets tarred and feathered if you ask me.

Anonymous said...

I think Jeremy's in some gang that calls itself Spam. Why they would name themselves after some kind of weird imitation meat substance, I have no idea.

Anonymous said...

Spam?? Do they still get to wear the black leather jackets and chrome shades??

Anonymous said...

Marxism?? Didn't that go out of vogue when China started importing Coca-Cola and Marlboros? Hello? Anyone home? Shrouding the normative, what Graduates who are Marxists do when they are forced to apply for a teaching position in a Community College in the rural South - snicker snicker - hello? Am I all alone? It's all in jest, really, Bob......

bi said...

See link.