the kid stays in the picture

Another weblog recently issued a shout-out to JFW asking me who I thought should play me in a movie about my life. As noted in earlier posts here and here, a movie of one particularly memoir-able episode of my life has recently been made in a film, and there I am played, improbaly enough, by Jim Carrey. A somewhat different question is who they would have play me if I were playing a minor role in the movie of someone else's life--one of our department's graduate students, say. I think were such a film to come to pass, they would probably take considerable creative license with the basic facts about my character. I think they would make my office look even more like Ella's Deli. I think they would either (a) go the route of making me older, and both smarter and wiser (and, it goes without saying, better-looking) than I actually am (Anthony Edwards, maybe?), or they would make me just a completely eccentric freak who exists to bolster the presentation of the academy as an irrational and quasi-sadistic environment for any kind of education (a role for which, perhaps, Carrot Top would be pressed into service). In the Carrot Top scenario, I also see myself walking around the hallways wearing a white lab coat, which I've entertained the idea of starting to do anyway.

Two other points about the casting ideas offered on the other weblog:

1. If I were casting director, Emily would not be played by Christina Ricci, or by anyone else. Instead, Emily would be an animated character, spliced in with live actors a la Roger Rabbit. Either Angela or Harry Shearer would do Emily's voice.

2. Annabeth Gish, suggested to play Katy, was born two days before me, which would seem to make her too old for the part. I also have to note that Annabeth Gish is a fellow Iowan, hailing from Cedar Rapids (I think) before she made it big. When I was a junior in high school, I made all-state in speech (category: impromptu storytelling, for which I was a phenom). At the all-state event, Annabeth was on-hand to say a few words as a welcoming speech; she sounded callow, condescending and vacuous just like what you'd expect from a 17-year old "star" speaking to other teens.