Monday, May 24, 2004

frequently asked questions about jeremy, continued

Q. I read somewhere that Jeremy is a (chirpy-looking) semi-vegetarian. What does that mean?

A. Enough with the chirpy-looking already. Questions about the precise character of my dietary restrictions have arisen because of the conspicuous absence of various local steakhouses from the listing of restaurants in my previous post. I have never myself used the word "semi-vegetarian". I have said "fish-excepting vegetarian" and "pescatarian" and even "cannibalistic Pisces [b. March 15]". Anyway, moving to the relevant branch(es) from the tree of the kingdom of life, here's a quick reference for my dietary restrictions.

Subphylum Urochordata (sea squirts) [YES]
Subphylum Cephalochordata (lancelets) [YES]
Subphylum Myxini (hagfish) [YES]
Subphylum Vertebrata (vertebrates)
Petromyzontida (lampreys) [YES]
Placodermi - extinct [NO]
Chondrichthyes (cartilaginous fish) [YES]
Acanthodii - extinct [NO]
Actinopterygii (ray-finned fish) [YES]
Actinistia (coelacanths) [NO]
Dipnoi (lungfish) [YES]
Amphibia (amphibians) [NO]
Reptilia (reptiles) [NO]
Aves (birds) [NO]
Mammalia (mammals) [NO]

Note: All this goes out the window if I'm on a plane that crashes in the Andes, as then immediately everybody else onboard becomes dinner-eligible. Indeed, I may even begin marinading the person in the seat next to me at the first sign of trouble.

1 comment:

milovoo said...

You really, really do not ever want to actually eat a hagfish. Their main claim to fame is being able to excrete nearly a gallon of slime when caught. [or call it a maybe]