Your basic assessment of me would change appreciably--even after accounting for the effect of this confession--if you knew just how many times I've watched clips of Taylor Hicks on the American Idol website. And it would change even more appreciably if you knew that I've made this special gray-topped sock puppet with which I act out some of his numbers (especially the part where he does the awesomely awesome little hoppy-running thing in the middle of "Try a Little Tenderness" [at 1:20]). Okay, I made this second sentence up. I only wish I was making up the first sentence.
Understand that I've never actually watched American Idol. I am, however, thinking maybe I should get cable and hook up my television to watch the next season. And, well, maybe get a fake birth certificate and drive to one of the East Coast tryouts. If prematurely gray can win last year, why not a much receded hairline this year?