A pal of mine recently came to the conclusion that her malaise was the result of her not having a man in the life and that she had exhausted all the traditional routes of man-meeting available in her city. And, so, she concluded: she either had to go on antidepressants or try online personals. These being each alternatives that she had previously declared Might Work For Some People But Were Not For Her.
Me, being forever a fan of twofers, advised: why not both? She decided, however, that antidepressants were the lesser evil, and signed up for an appointment with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist agreed to escort her onto the Prozac Promenade, but he also said: you know, it really sounds like you should try online dating. And, so, cringing at first and being unable to look at the screen with both eyes open at once, she did.
She put up an ad just before going out for the day. Being a female who is both attractive and appealing when so inclined, she had something like 19,000 responses waiting for her when she returned. Unfortunately, some 18,995 or so of these completely creeped her out. "When people talk about how you have to kiss a thousand frogs to find your prince, I didn't realize that so many were going to be sicko perv frogs who make you feel like you need a delousing after reading their messages." From this, she resolved that she was only going to be able to pursue one online prospect at once--she would have to see that prospect all the way to its conclusion before she could entertain another. At the same time, her initial culling left two at-least-tepid possibilities who could be the first prospect for her to follow.
This, in turn, has required her to confront the matter of figuring out what her own romantic dealbreakers are (for recent posts on the same topic, see here and here).
In her case, conversations with the two men in question each led to a possible dealbreaker. The issue here is less her ability to get past these particular things as it is speculating about the probability of unpleasant sequelae that these things might portend. In evaluating these, the best short description I could make of my friend is that we generally have similar tastes and outlook on things, except she is more frugal, more disdainful of anything ostentatious, and more swiftly bored by others. Her options:
Bachelor #1: Favorite movie is "Conan the Barbarian."
Bachelor #2: While he is a liberal who greatly dislikes George W. Bush, he would not, himself, name a fondness for George W. Bush as being something that would be a dealbreaker for him in a prospective partner.
Bachelor #3: Absolutely unknown, as he would be the next person she decides is worth elevating to prospect status if she files Bachelors #1 and #2 in the rejected romance bin.
Advice? Do these seem like reasonable dealbreakers for someone like my friend, or does it seem like she's throwing a potential prince into the froggie-shredder too early?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
So you take her out, if your outlooks are pretty much the same. You're up blogging about her in the middle of the night; you obviously care --
Depends why #1 likes Conan. (And whether he has seen the marvelous "Conan the Librarian" pilot.) There could be good reasons (over-the-top parody, leading to Xena) or even mediocre reasons (THIS is what CA "elected"?!).
But there's no justification for #2, who is just desperate.
(I would agree with Anonymous, if you weren't moving to MA.)
Ken Houghton has it exactly backwards.
As someone who works in education, your friend must certainly be aware that people often have views that are inconsistent with sanity, reality, or logic. When we come across such people, we should view it as an opportunity to educate them, to bring them around to a more appropriate point of view. If said candidate cannot be converted, then you dump his ass.
But there is no excuse for thinking anything other than that every copy of Conan the Barbarian should be burned. Not as a matter of censorship, of course, but because it is one of the worst movies ever made and stars one of the biggest tools ever to run for public office in the United States -- another interesting parallel between Ronnie Raisin and Herr Gropenfuhrer.
I tend to look on the brighter side. #2 could discuss at length the difference between Kerry's grades at Yale and those of Georgie! Talk about an exciting date!
When things like these look like possible dealbreakers, what you're really seeing, I think, is your own aversion to online dating (or to dating itself). Reminds me of all those Jerry Seinfeld excuses for breaking up with women, like eats her peas one at a time.
I'm not sure this even matters. My experience with celexa was that it depressed my interest in sex and dating.
Well, he damn sure won't be plying her with donuts, that much is certain.
-LDM
The favorite movie thing is obviously a joke, unless he is the type of guy who would list "Evil Dead II" as his alternate favorite movie. Although I find annoying that some guys quote EDII incessantly when they get together with their buddies, I would not consider it a dealbreaker. It would be like a guy not wanting to date me because I have "Valley Girl" memorized and have seen it at least 150 times. I hope that would never be held against me.
#2 shows open mindedness. I say go for it.
Anon 10:40: The "Valley Girl" thing would be a dealbreaker for me. As would, for that matter, "Cannonball Run 2" or "The Best of Gilbert Gottfried". As well as maybe that biosphere comedy, whatever that was called. And, well, "Forrest Gump."
Sounds as though 'take a pill AND try the least offensive' of the lot might work best. This business of trying to pinpoint the best choice? How ?
(And if you're not moving to Massachusetts right away -- call her and ask her out. Give you both some practice).
While of course I always appreciate receiving matchmaking help from readers, this time you are barking up the wrong twee. In any case, I don't need "practice". Hmph.
My suggestion for your friend would be to go ahead and meet these guys. An online dating profile doesn't capture what is special about a person or reveal whether two people will feel chemistry for each other and it doesn't make sense to rule out an otherwise promising prospect based on something as trivial as what they list as their favorite film. We all have our quirks. No guys would come near me if they knew about my Dave Matthews obsession. But, once they get to know me, they discover that I am perfect and eventually they too develop a love for Dave.
Alright, I am once again very late in the game here, but I simply MUST weigh in on the Bush thing...anyone who could be with someone with a "fondness" for the man, doesn't care as much about the issues as he proclaims to. For an example of how this should go: this past weekend I was watching Curb Your Enthusiasm on a friend's "HBO on Demand"...when Larry David was just about to cash in on his wife's 10th anniversary offer of a 'one-time affair', with producers co-star Cady Huffman, he suddenly sees a picture (a picture! and no this is not new to me being as I am now in red state...) of GW on her dressing table....well, there are no words to express my thrill and vindication! --Elizabeth
The dealbreaker for me would be pretentious culture snobs who turn their elitist noses up at crap like Conan, but, when pressed further, reveal that they really don't know shit about film to begin with and list their favorites as overrated tripe like Mr. Hollands Opus or some other such nonsense. I like good and bad film (I just love movies) and I'll often try this on suckers. When discussing movies for the first time with someone I've just met I'll occasionally mention a junky, grade Z film that I love just to gauge their reactions. People who really know film culture and history aren't afraid to admit that they sometimes love trashy throwaway films, but the pretentious idiots who THINK they know film will throw out the usual obvious choices in an attempt to impresss. Granted, there are many reasons to dislke the Conan film, but did she ever stop to think that maybe that guy was a Robert E. Howard fan? Hmmm... Then again, if he was a Howard fan he'd hate the Conan film anyway...
Post a Comment