Monday, January 17, 2005

word to the skinny

When you are having lunch with a friend who is self-conscious about his weight, and he orders something off the menu, it is generally not nice to say "Don't you think you should order something from the 'Sensible Fare' section of the menu instead?" Did someone really say this to me today? Yes. Really? Yes. Were they joking when they said it? Rephrase that. Were they "joking" when they said it? Yes, "joking," ha, ha.

Same person, btw, had their own theory for why I might get asked for directions more often in my currently expanded morphological state than in my more trim renditions (see recent post), or at least why it might happen more often in places like Madison and Ann Arbor. As we were having lunch at Macaroni Grill, I was able to crayola up a diagram of this theory right there on the table, which I then tore off so I could present to y'all:

15 comments:

nina said...

That's so totally insensitive! Did she (or he) then at least say something nice, like -- "you know that you're not really fat," or something equally ingratiating? Because if she (or he) did not, then I think you should just out and out expose her (or him) in JFW! We'll spring to your defense for sure!
P.S. Are those food stains on the paper diagram? Did you spill something and embarrass yourself as well? Poor you!!

Anonymous said...

A comment where it is once again documented that readers of JFW do not have a life: after reading your post, I vaguely recalled something from JFW long ago. Surfing around your blog got me the following, written by you on an October day:
"I am announcing this to my weblog as a way of making public my committment and increasing the stakes if I should fail. Readers should feel free to call me out if they see me scarfing down on something that is obviously inconsistent with my stated goal. "Hey, Jeremy, are you down to x yet? No? Then WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DONUT!!!" is perfectly permissible."
Maybe your friends thought you were still on that same, now 15 month old diet? Or had you reached your stated goal?

Tonya said...

I posted the following rant on The Tonya Show and Nina suggested that I post it here as well. Enjoy!

Okay, I'm just going to come right out and say it. I do not want to hear men complain about being too fat, needing to lose weight, and dieting. That's what women do all the time and it drives me nuts when they do it too. But, when men do it, they seem womanish. It's just not masculine for men to talk about dieting. And, besides, women never ever talk about desiring a man because he's slender.

And, what has prompted this outburst from me? Jeremy. He's complaining about needing to lose weight and how a friend insulted him by reminding him during lunch that he's on a diet. I've said this before and I'll say it again -- JEREMY, YOU ARE NOT FAT! (If Jeremy really were fat, I wouldn't be writing this post. I'd need to tiptoe around his weight issue.) Actually, I haven't seen Jeremy in a couple of months, so it's possible that he's put on weight. But, I doubt it.

Wait, I have more to say. When choosing between a slender man and a man that's a few pounds overweight, I'd chooose the guy with a few extra pounds (assuming all other factors are roughly equal). Men may want skinny women, but women do not want skinny men. Recently, I had a conversation with two female friends in which we discovered that when they met a mutual friend for the first time, they assumed that he was dying from AIDS because he was so dreadfully thin and gaunt looking. I hadn't formed that conclusion when I first met him, but I was turned off by his skeletal physique. Most thin guys don't look quite that bad, but have you seen the legs on a skinny man? They are like bird legs. And what woman wants to be with a man that weighs less than her? I've been there and it ain't pretty. I'm not saying that all women want to feel dainty when they are with a man. But, I am saying that we don't want to feel like a freakin' Amazon just because we're with a delicate flower of a man. So guys, don't focus so much on weight loss (unless you are obese and it's a health issue). Instead, put your energy into improving your fitness, strength and muscle tone. Also, if you skinny guys are with a woman who weighs more than you do, do her a favor and put on a few pounds.

And don't even get me started on men and vegetarianism.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Tonya, WHAT???Women don't like slender men?

Ok, maybe not "slender," exactly, but women don't exactly flock to the men who "have a few extra pounds," your own preference notwithstanding.

Every time I walk into the locker room at my gym, I overhear women talking about the bodies of the various men at the gym. This one has a great body, that one has a cute butt, that other one is ok but losing his hair, etc. -- always about the hardbodies. I almost never hear anything along the lines of "that guy has a few extra pounds, but I still think he looks good."

jeremy said...

Obviously, given that I'm complaining about how I'm still a whale, I haven't reached any kind of "goal weight." Thanks for the reminder. I'm thinking about embarking on another diet upon returning from Berkeley this week, which will give the blogreading world another chance to watch me fail.

jeremy said...

Note: The preceding comment was in response to Anon #2.

jeremy said...

Tonya: I appreciate your comment, although I would point out that my friend did not make yesterday's lunch comment because I am on a diet. I am not presently on a diet. My friend was just being ornery.

More generally, as kind as you are, I don't want to get in a dispute about the validity of my various claims to fat-ness; it makes me feel like one of those skinny teenage girls who is constantly complaining to her friends about how she's fat just so they will tell her she isn't. Numbers don't lie, and the brutal fact of the matter is that I'm 45 pounds heavier than I was 18 months ago. My waist size is up six inches. I can't fit into clothes that used to look comically large on me. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I am not happy about this at all.

dorotha said...

you people all make me crazy. i've been fat my whole fricking life. when i was a kid, boys would walk up to me and say, "will you go out with me?.... just kidding, you fat cow. no one would ever want to go out with you!" how often did this happen? oh, virtually every day from third through seventh grade. in fact, i remember in eighth grade standing in the salad bar line and having a boy behind me tap me on the shoulder and to mockingly ask me out only to follow it up with, "in your dreams, you fat cow!" i remember crying when i got home. not because of the cruelty of that particular encounter, but rather because i had gotten comfortable and let my guard down. i thought eighth graders were more mature than that.

what's the point of my story? the point is that jeremy was a skinny kid. it doesn't matter that he's a guy. male or female he'd have this problem. the thing is, he can remember being skinny. that's why he's so obsessed. me? never skinny. never. there were a few years when i wasn't totally huge, but i didn't even know it at the time. i feel like i'm doing okay because i'm not that much fatter than i was in high school (don't get me wrong, i am fatter, just not by a lot). when i was in my senior year of high school, a kid pointed out that i looked exactly the same as i did in kindergarten, and it is true! even now i pretty much look like a tall five year old.

claire said...

First, before we begin: Dorotha, you're not fat. I don't know if you were fat when you were little, but you aren't now. What are you talking about?

Second, in my experience, every girl I know is totally obsessed with their own weight, and every anorexic girl I know (and I know a lot of them) spends a lot of time sitting around doing the marine-mammal-comparison thing. But I have never known a girl to reject an interested guy because of his weight. I've never known a girl make anything besides an offhand remark about a guy's weight.

I have heard girls say the nastiest possible things about the weights of female acquaintances, and I have heard guys say HORRIBLE things about girls' weights. But I literally cannot imagine a conversation in which a friend would say to me, "This nice, smart, funny guy asked me out, but he's twenty pounds too heavy, so I said no." I'm going to have to go with Tonya on this one. Most girls don't care.

Anonymous said...

Claire -- your experiences match mine. Sad but true.

Anonymous said...

I have no commentary on this matter - LDM

Anonymous said...

what?! LDM at a loss for words?! could this silence offer some insight into the physical appearance of LDM? hmmm... i recall no writer's block when the subect was athletic types...

Anonymous said...

look'eth ye above
see'eth thee my transfatty acid love

Anonymous said...

Dorotha, you ain't fat... you ain't fat... you ain't NUTHIN.
-Henry

astrid jane said...

Were you having lunch with Triumph the Insult Dog, or, perhaps, my maternal grandfather? I was a fat kid too, and when I was about ten, my grandfather made me get on his bathroom scale one Christmas, informed me that I was getting "far too big," said he'd weigh me again at Easter and promised to pay me $5 for every pound I lost in the interim. My mom said he used to do the same thing to her, only she only got offered 1 dollar per pound (inflation...either that or "little fat kid futures" were trading higher on the Chicage Stock Exchange that Christmas.)

As for your rude luncheon pal, I think that whenever anyone offers you unsolicited beauty/lifestyle tips you should feel free to return the favor. "Really? You think I'd look better if I lost some weight? I've always thought you should get those big, yellow horse teeth of yours capped, but I never wanted to say anything before...." or "You know, I saw an ad for one of those full-body waxing services the other day and I thought of you...here..wait, I even wrote the number down, I have it somewhere around here. By the way, I'm really glad we can be open with each other like this. Oh, and using a little sunblock would help keep those crow's feet from getting worse..."