I called a friend earlier because she e-mailed to say she was having some problems and could use a distraction. I distracted her by pulling up Wikipedia and reading the "Legal Troubles" section of the Wikipedia entry for ODB from the Wu-Tang Clan. I tell you, there are enough troubles listed there to take anybody's mind off their own.
"In 1997, when he would have been 29 years old, he was arrested for failure to pay child support for x of y children. What's your guess for x and y?"
"Six and eight."
"Wrong, three and thirteen."
"No way he's paying support for ten out of thirteen children."
"It doesn't say he was paying support for the other ten; he just wasn't arrested over them. You know, I can't tell if the two times mentioned getting shot in 1998 during a home-invasion robbery are actually the same incident or two completely separate incidents."
"Probably the same incident."
"Yeah, what are the odds? Unless, well, you're this guy. Apparently once in the courtroom he called the female prosecutor 'a sperm donor.'"
"I'm not sure I get that."
"Me neither. Part of the thing that's interesting is that, while all this was going on, people sort of talked about him like he was kind of an eccentric college professor or something. Tee-hee, sometimes he's absent-minded and wears mismatched socks; sometimes he has a routine traffic stop escalate into a charge of attempted murder. He wasn't being talked about like one of the most completely dysfunctional and internally-poisoned persons ever to achieve fame for genuine artistic merit. And all because he came up with the idea of imitating the school teacher from the Charlie Brown animated specials while he rapped."
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2 comments:
You rock, Partially-Formed Transformah (I like that one better than "Lucky Bandit" - you?).
That's hilarious.
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