Still morose because you haven't found that special someone? Well, maybe I can help. See, apparently all you have to do is run a 1/2 with me, and, within three days, you'll be engaged! It's worked every time so far!
Indeed, there was another person who originally signed up to run the 1/2 marathon with Madame Simpleton and I, but then he backed out at the last minute. Apparently-- and I know you aren't going to believe this--he's also become engaged in the last three days. (Yes, really! I'm not making this up!) So perhaps all you need to do is sign up to run with me, as long as I go through with it.
In any case: Congratulations, Madame Simpleton and Mister Simpleton-Elect!!! (And you know I'm excited if I'm using multiple exclamation points, as normally I hate that.)