Monday, October 31, 2005

i suppose it is fitting on halloween for things to return from the dead

Update: This is the post I deleted yesterday, back by popular demand and the approval of Ms. Maroontext herself (see comments to preceding post-about-a-deleted-post). Original title: "secrets of effective money management revealed"

Note: Though I am sure that Ms. Maroontext would disagree with details of these interactions, this is basically how Mr. Purpleprose remembers it.

Excerpt from phone conversation #1:

"Let's face it: you just don't manage your money very well."
"I know, I know."
"Do you know how much I would love putting you on a budget?"
"Only by analogy to how much I'd love fitting you with a shock collar."
"You need to [insert list of 8-10 things that, yes, I would be better off if I did with my money]."
"Yes, I recognize that my handling of these affairs leaves much to be desired."
"I'm going to have a million dollars by the time I retire."
"You'll only have that million dollars if the revolution doesn't happen--the revolution that you purport to endorse."
"Oh God no! I've never said that. I don't want a revolution. If there was a revolution, I might have to change my own oil."

Excerpt from phone conversation #2, two weeks later:

"I'm having trouble deciding whether I want to get my two side tables from [noncheap furniture place #1] or from [noncheap furniture place #2]. Part of the issue is whether the tables from [noncheap furniture place #2] will match the coffee table I'm getting from [noncheap furniture place #1]."
"Where do you get all this money to spend on these things?"
"Well, [my parents] might get me one of the tables for Christmas and the other for my birthday."
"Still, you really like [expensive things], and it seems like you've got plans to spend a lot of money on it. I don't get how this fits in with that complicated money management plan you were telling me about so you could have a million dollars when you retire."
"That was your money management plan. I'm going to inherit a million dollars from [my parents]. It's already being set up."


the jeff said...

Dude, I am so not cool with Ms. Maroontext.

jeremy said...

Ms. Maroontext should not be judged on the basis of select and second-hand conversational excerpts.

A+ said...

God, I wish I weren't poor.

Constance said...

That seriously makes me want to hurt someone... perhaps Ms. Maroontext... but several of my students* would also satisfy me.

*Who, when I asked if they had ever experienced any kind of discrimination, discussed being discriminated against** because they were rich.

**People called them "stuck up."

Rhymes With Scrabble said...

Mostly, I just wish I had a chest freezer. I need to check the basement for outlets to see if this is feasible--think of the money I'd save, buying and cooking in bulk! And they make them with a thing for a padlock, so I could protect my food from the neighbors. Hmmm.

My favorite item of furniture is still my Korean War era human blood cooler. It makes a great end table.

jeremy said...

Anyone who hurts Ms. Maroontext will have me to answer to. She is actually one of the world's most splendid people, even if she doesn't want a revolution.

john said...

Constance: Anti-rich sentiment runs rampant, at least when you're in high school.

At least once a day I hear a child exclaim, "I am not rich, shut up guys."

Maybe it's not on the level of discrimination, but it's not seen as a positive attribute most of the time.

Anonymous said...

So why did you remove this text in the first place? Oh, Coy — thy name is Tease.