1. Never get involved in a land war in Asia!
2. Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
3. If your voice has always been overrated and it isn't aging well, never say 'Help me somebody' and toss the mic to Patti LaBelle!
(fast forward to 1:38 into it [2:36 remaining], and then watch the next sixty seconds. don't watch more than that or else suddenly there's el debarge.)
A little like asking someone for help with an itch on your back you can't reach and having them rip out your spine with a scythe. Still itch? Higher? To the left?
Of course, the real showdown of the divas would be me and Miss Patti doing "Love Shack." I am not a stage presence to be trifled with, at least when I've got me a Chrysler that's as big as a whale.
Speaking of which, apparently Jerry Marwell did "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" (one of my standbys) at karaoke in Madison a few nights ago, and dedicated it to "Jeremy, who's no longer with us." This resulted in some confusion among the karaoke faithful about whether I was dead. (I'm not, although I have recently somehow screwed up my back.)