She: I'm about at 60% too (assuming your chart is a true reflection of where you are.). More of me wants one than doesn't. He absolutely does not want one. So, there's really no debate to be had. But, I keep thinking he may change his mind...
He: I actually have changed my mind about having a child. I used to want one. Maybe I'll change my mind again. As of now, I would be okay with you having a child (with my sperm, even, but with no legal responsibility) as long as it was your hobby (like watering the plants), and I didn't have to live in the same permanent residence with it. I suppose, though, that you would want to live with it and do all those "living with your children" type of things that parents oftentimes do...
Saturday, July 02, 2005
speedbumps on the road to parenthood
A couple days ago, I noted that my enthusiasm for having and raising a child of my own has gone from being practically zero a decade ago to something where now, while I remain far from baby-crazy, I could at least be considered baby-eccentric or, better, baby-disturbed. Backstage here at JFW, the post provoked a polyperson e-mail conversation on the pros and cons of childbearing that included two friends of mine who are "partners for life" but have not yet embarked on the near-anagram project of being "parents for life." Their stances:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Having a child… shouldn’t most of the discussion about this be whether you can see yourself (not you, Jeremy, but anyone contemplating this) giving up so much of your freedom, personal space, focus, preoccupation, really everything for the life of another? Because there is no such thing as part-time parenting unless you’re not living together and splitting placement.
You may think that you are preserving moments for yourself (emphasis on moments), but when there is a kid, life pretty much becomes about the kid. I don’t hear that in discussions among people on the cusp. I hear more of whether they like being around children, are drawn to them, envision playing with them. Yeah, all that, but more importantly, really the Q is: can you live for 18 plus years completely preoccupied with this one project so that it really does subsume most of your waking thoughts? Before I had kids, I had no idea it would be like that. I thought one could balance. Turns out I could not. The emotional center switches: they get it. Compared to this, noise, whiny kids, barfing, diapers – it’s nothing, really, it’s nothing.
Anyone who says it’s not like that basically has another person at home playing that role.
i'll take the kid for life thing but the kid cannot take up any instruments. unless they're a prodigy and can play like mozart right away.
Okay, Nina, my 60+ from a few days ago is back down to 30 or less.
Nah, keep it at 60+. The astonishing thing about it is that you get swept up in it. Sort of like blogging.
And it's sweet that people are warming up to the idea of holding and cuddling babies because many of us never actually were random baby cuddlers and yet -- mmmm, that bond with your own is indescribable.
I better stop. I'm sounding at once marmish and sentimental.
This is the problem with birth control and sexual freedom. In the old days -- and among very conservative people today -- you never had the chance to mull it over like this. Nature swept you into the life of devotion to others. I'm all for freedom, but aren't you worried about the politics of the new generations? Obviously, that has no power to affect your personal choice, but it's changing the world.
Just think about it: this could be you.
No way am I having 15 kids. Especially since Nina has talked me back out of having any kids at all.
There are too many people on Earth anyway.
Post a Comment