Friday, March 04, 2005

and yet, despite all this, i still do not believe that lee harvey oswald acted alone

It's Wacky Friday here at JFW. I've got opinions so heterodox as to certify me clinically insane! I'm worried that maybe some of the sconnie-soc-scalawags have been slipping psychodelics into my Diet Pepsi Twist again. Anyway, do you want to know what kinds of wacky things I'm thinking about current affairs? Here are just three examples--warning, they're wacky:

1. I do not believe that the Republicans In Charge are attempting to make a fundamental change to the Social Security system in order to divert attention from "what's really going on", i.e., Iraq or any other foreign policy matter. Instead, I believe that they are trying to make a fundamental change to the Social Security system because... they really want to make a fundamental change to Social Security (and are, after decades of complaint, in a political position where they believe they may be able to pull it off).*

2. I do not believe that various Democrats are opposing making this fundamental change to Social Security in order to divert attention from "what's really going on," i.e., Iraq or any other foreign policy matter. Instead, I believe that they are trying to prevent any fundamental change to the Social Security system because... they really want to prevent a fundamental change to Social Security.**

3. I do not believe that the reason we invaded Iraq in the first place was to divert attention from "what's really going on", i.e., "oil," "Halliburton," or any set of domestic problems or issues. I believe that the main reason the current administration was so excited to invade Iraq was that... they believed it was in the best interests of what they consider to be America's Interests.***

Wacky, I know. I don't know what's next: maybe I'll start saying that sometimes a cigar is really just a cigar, or at least is just a cigar so long as it's not laced with whatever wacky stuff has gotten into my system.

* Of course, I do not believe that the reasons they are giving the public for why Social Security should be changed are the reasons they want to make the changes they most want to make.

** Plus, it's the opportunity to score some big-time low-hanging domestic-political fruit, the likes of which have not been so readily plentiful to the opposition party since Bill Clinton attempted health-care reform.

*** Of course, I do not believe that the main reason they gave the public for invading Iraq (especially but not limited to, WMD) was the reason they believed it would be in America's interest to do so.

16 comments:

Rebekah Ravenscroft-Scott said...

ah ha! you see, we're not in opposition after all! yes, "they believed it would be in America's interest to do so" because they, like many folks in power here believe, truly believe that unbridled imperialism is in our country's best interest. so, no, i don't think your opinions are all that wacky.
:)

Rebekah Ravenscroft-Scott said...

and i forgot to mention the wacky fact that i don't believe that we actually walked on the moon when we said we did. so there!

jeremy said...

Wait, you believe that man has walked on the moon, but just that it was at some later time than when we claimed to have done so? Like when was it, sometime in the 90's?

Rebekah Ravenscroft-Scott said...

yeah, that's right, sometime in the 70s i think... it was just too fishy to not only get to the moon first but also to have walked there before the russians too! i saw the moon walk when it first aired on tv (i was an infant, of course) and even then i realized that it was staged on some hollywood backlot or something.

jeremy said...

Just so I'm sure I understand, you think

USA reaches the moon first and beats the Russians there!

is less fishy than both:

(b) USA reaches the moon first but does not beat the Russians there!

and

(c) USA does not reach the moon first but does beat the Russians there!

Rebekah Ravenscroft-Scott said...

no, no, no, silly. fishy = us beats (orbits first)russians to moon. equally fishy = us beats (lands, walks) russians to moon. two fishys together = super fishy. i think russia beat us on orbit and we concocted the walking on bit to shame them. see?

Anonymous said...

Where is LDM when you need him most?

Anonymous said...

i see you wishy,
for comments on fishy.
ne'r shouldst thou worry,
i'm there in a flurry,
with verse apropos,
dids't thou think me go?

--LMD

Happy Cinnamon Roll Being said...

Is this for real? Please tell me you're joking, Reb.

Anonymous said...

LMD?

Anonymous said...

woulds't thou have me,
claim false identity?
indeed, LDM i am not!
alas, weaker verse,
perhaps is my lot.

--LMD (lame meandering drivel)

Anonymous said...

pillsbury doth make me fart
but baked goods fanatics may take heart
though the doughboy is no kin of mine
the keebler elf is my cousin so fine
-LDM

dorotha said...

can we at least all agree that giant steps would be what we would take if walking on the moon?

Anonymous said...

I'm not far,
is Jeremy at a bar?
-LDM

jnsys said...

LDM, you're recycling!

I firmly believe that our lovely administration firmly believes that they have our President firmly believing that they can reform social security. Because, after all, if you have not heard our President talk on the Social Security reforms, you would still be unaware that he is, in fact, and android controlled by the people who are REALLY in power. Welcome to the real world! (pass the tylenol!)

Anonymous said...

Above t'was my first post here
verily I'm out of beer,
enduring my usual fear:
having no lass at which to leer
-LDM